update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.