good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.