Texts From Last Night

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  (707): View more from California

  I haven't been laid since Bush was president.

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  (707): I haven't been laid since Bush was president. http://tfl.nu/3tqj
  Replies (33) Good night (481) Bad night (2827)
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  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both

  (650): View more from California

  i think otters can do that

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  (408): i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both (650): i think otters can do that http://tfl.nu/vhzk
  Replies (18) Good night (3272) Bad night (551)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.

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  (856): would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions. http://tfl.nu/8b19
  Replies (5) Good night (2997) Bad night (522)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"

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  (407): I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt" http://tfl.nu/48bw
  Replies (14) Good night (3237) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...

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  (832): Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it... http://tfl.nu/2lrl
  Replies (9) Good night (594) Bad night (3696)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.

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  (253): I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you. http://tfl.nu/clvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2650) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.

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  (630): I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti. http://tfl.nu/166m
  Replies (21) Good night (1188) Bad night (6642)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it

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  (954): like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it http://tfl.nu/s684
  Replies (21) Good night (1637) Bad night (3124)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

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  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1288) Bad night (2844)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.

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  (614): Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast? (1-614): Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry. http://tfl.nu/0ygg
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first

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  (412): I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first http://tfl.nu/vbea
  Replies (4) Good night (1447) Bad night (521)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us

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  (913): i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us http://tfl.nu/7y99
  Replies (6) Good night (506) Bad night (1136)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now

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  (260): She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now http://tfl.nu/3rta
  Replies (5) Good night (1491) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone

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  (443): Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone http://tfl.nu/3q0e
  Replies (0) Good night (364) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship

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  (631): I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship http://tfl.nu/5hnm
  Replies (1) Good night (222) Bad night (544)

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