I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.