I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
