Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
