Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

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  (303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow? http://tfl.nu/hnqf
  Replies (12) Good night (3406) Bad night (933)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

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  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (5046) Bad night (750)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

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  (614): Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends. http://tfl.nu/odrr
  Replies (19) Good night (871) Bad night (5655)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.

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  (201): I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma. http://tfl.nu/yzcy
  Replies (13) Good night (5298) Bad night (839)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall

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  (303): that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall http://tfl.nu/ckaq
  Replies (25) Good night (5626) Bad night (1024)
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  (578): View more from

  drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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  (578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn
  Replies (14) Good night (1095) Bad night (6302)
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  (631): View more from New York

  After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

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  (631): After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/pq89
  Replies (19) Good night (1157) Bad night (2936)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.

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  (859): I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it. http://tfl.nu/s0lk
  Replies (16) Good night (3237) Bad night (931)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.

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  (850): your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing. http://tfl.nu/7ema
  Replies (11) Good night (810) Bad night (1813)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
  Replies (14) Good night (2870) Bad night (640)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5

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  (469): I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5 http://tfl.nu/xzh8
  Replies (10) Good night (915) Bad night (813)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...

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  (423): Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple... http://tfl.nu/apqw
  Replies (2) Good night (733) Bad night (399)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (331)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.

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  (413): Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES! (860): You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out. http://tfl.nu/8exi
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (372)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drank your wedding present. Sorry

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  (267): Drank your wedding present. Sorry http://tfl.nu/ilc5
  Replies (1) Good night (249) Bad night (184)

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