I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.