you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.