I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball