bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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