my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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