i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize