Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
