I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
