I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
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I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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