I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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