yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
