it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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