I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
