porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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