At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
