I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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