I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
