I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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