Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She announced her abortion via fbk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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