So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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