yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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