i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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