Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
