I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
a search helicopter?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
