Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
