Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
