So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
