all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my poor anus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
