Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
