the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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