my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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