It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
