literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM