i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him