Your mouth is God's brothel.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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