please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
