Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
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That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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