Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
