Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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