I wish I could teleport
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
