Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
