Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
