I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
