You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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