I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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