it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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