I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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