I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
