just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
