i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm jealous of your bromance
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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