I murdered the dance floor call the cops
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
