Got a toothbrush?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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