You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
