Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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