he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
