I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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