see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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