My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
