I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize