Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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